We’ve all heard that the Danish are some of the world’s happiest people – and subsequent generations are just as happy. So how does that happen? My new book, written with Iben Sandahl, uncovers the secret of these folks and presents an easy six-point acronym to guide the rest of us on how to cultivate this kind of happiness in our own homes. The Danish Way of Parenting; What The Happiest People Know About Raising Confident Capable Kids ultimately presents a life philosophy we can all learn something from. For more on the Danish Way, here is breakdown of the PARENT acronym.
P is for Play. Danes don’t believe in over-programming kids’ lives. Free play is considered crucial, not optional for children’s learning and has been since 1871 when it first became recognized as an educational theory. Research shows that play teaches social skills, empathy, self-control, coping mechanisms, and so much more. As Mr. Rogers said, “For children play is serious learning” – and we can really see this implemented in Denmark. The results are kids who grow up to be happier adults.
A is for Authenticity, which means “keep it real.” Danes are very honest with their children about life in its entirety – the good, the bad and the ugly. Thus, movies, stories, and books often deal with difficult topics and don’t finish with a happy ending. The Little Mermaid, for example, is originally a Danish story and she doesn’t actually get the prince in the end – but rather dies of sadness and turns into sea foam. While reading sad and tragic stories to children may sound daunting, science shows that it actually improves empathy skills and can make us happier in a “count your blessings” kind of way. It is very connecting to talk about the more difficult emotions with children and it prepares them for life’s ups and downs, which makes them more resilient.
R is for reframing. Ask a Dane about the terrible weather and they will say, “There is no bad weather, only bad clothing.” Try to get them to focus on anything really negative and you will be mystified at how they can reinterpret it. The Danish way of reframing is a cultural phenomenon that gets passed on from generation to generation and it is incredibly powerful. The ability to alter your language to reinterpret a situation in a less negative way has been proven to change how we feel. Reframing can be learned and it is a life-changing skill, not only for kids, but for adults too.
E is for Empathy. Denmark is one of the most empathic cultures in the world and this is because they actively teach empathy in schools. It is as important as teaching Math or English. Already in preschool, national programs are in place to help kids learn to identify others’ emotions and conceptualize themselves in others’ shoes and feel for them. There is also a bigger focus on teamwork and less on being the winner or the star. This fosters empathy because it means kids are much better at working together and helping others, which has been proven to increase happiness levels. The discovery of “the social brain” shows that we get more pleasure out of winning together than winning alone.
N is for No ultimatums. No-ultimatums parenting is about avoiding power struggles. It is trying to go for a win/win rather than an “I win” situation. Spanking has been illegal in Denmark for over twenty years and Danes find it an unthinkable way to educate children. Their method is very democratic and respect based. The belief is that if you teach respect, you are respectful, then you will be respected. What is extraordinary to see is how well-behaved children in Denmark are. It goes to show that a no-ultimatums approach really does work and not only with small kids, but the knock on effects with teens is remarkable.
T-is for Togetherness and Hygge. Hygge, pronounced hooga, means “to cozy around together.” Hygge is such a part of the Danish culture and vernacular that most Danes can’t understand why it is so interesting for other cultures. Hygge is being together with the ones you love in a cozy, psychologically safe environment. It is a safe place that everyone enters into with the unspoken agreement that, for this period of time, be it a dinner or a BBQ or even Thanksgiving, no one complains, brags, brings up negative or controversial topics, and just tries to create a drama-free space for that period of time. Telling uplifting stories about the past, playing games, and everyone helping out is all part of hygge. Danes know the hygge rules because it is such a part of their culture but you can find the “hygge oath” in the book to try it out with your family. The hygge oath gives families the opportunity to talk about what it is in advance and agree to set the time limits and parameters. Children thrive in these drama-free moments and it improves wellbeing because social connectedness is one of the key factors in happiness, well above having a lot of money. So the next time you have a family get together, try “hygge” – it sounds simple, but you will be amazed how well it works.
Source: By Jessica Joelle Alexander
http://www.signature-reads.com/2016/08/the-secrets-of-danish-parenting-6-steps-to-happy-kids/
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